HISMD: Executive in a Media/Events Company

In office. 3.5yo. Partner (WFH as freelancer). Toronto. 40. Many work events outside of 9-5.

A quick note for those with school-aged kids

My free back-to-school guide is here! It’s a list of action items you can calendar now to make the back-to-school season less stressful – and help you enjoy the rest of your summer knowing you’re on top of it all for the new school year. Think:

• Blocking your first work hour from meetings during weeks 1 and 2 of school to give you breathing space in case it's harder to get out the door than you remember, and

• Reminders to have your kids try on winter clothes before Labor Day to see if you need bigger clothes so you can take advantage of those Labor Day sales.

You can grab your free guide here.

Okay, onto today’s HISMD post!

This "How I Structure My Day" series started with an Instagram post I made about my own life, which prompted a woman to ask if it would be possible to see how women working a more traditional, full-time job did it. I asked women to share, and, man, have people responded. The goal is to show how women from different industries, with and without kids, with and without partners, with family living with/near them and not, wfh to 1+ hour commutes, etc. structure their day. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I do!

The Snapshot

• Partner: Yes (WFH as a freelancer)

• Children: Yes – 3.5yo

• Toronto

• “Office, though I am a workaholic and have a lot of work events so do a lot outside 9-5 at home or on location”

• 40

Typical Morning:

• For context:

  • My partner is a night owl (which is why I replied to the query, wanted to share how we deal with that). So, I do mornings 100% solo so he can sleep. The trade off is I don't need to rush home.

  • The other note is that I go to the gym 3-5 days a week and run 3-5 days a week. Some days I do both, some days I do neither. It really depends. In an ideal week, I've done both 4 times.

• OK, I have 2 blocks of time I can work out – 6-7am and 9-10am.

  • If I am able to workout from 9-10am (this is dependent on meetings, productions, my kid, etc.; also, -

  • 5:45am: I want to be this person every day but I am NOT. If I can do it, I get up at 5:45am, throw on my workout clothes and go for a run or go to the gym, which is a 5 minute walk from my house. My main motivation is this beautiful couple who is there ALWAYS and I've built an entire narrative in my head about their lives. I follow @megsquats SBTD program and I love it. I'm usually up around 6 most days, but the fitness this early is a crap shoot.

  • 6:45AM: Finish at gym or finish run, come home. Drink coffee (it's pre-set the night before), check work email. I always try to get my emails / admin out of the way so I can spend my days with people and content.

  • If I DON'T go to the gym, this starts at 6am and I might work on a report or a spreadsheet so something that is more deep work focused because that's too hard to do at the office. So, this means I do anything between 45 and 90 minutes of work from home before my kid wakes up.

  • 7:30(ish): Kid wakes up. He is a night owl like his father so this can be a battle.

  • 7:30-8:30: Get kid dressed, I get dressed (if not going to the gym at 9), pack bags, have breakfast, etc. Kid gets to watch one 23 minute show before we leave. We have found he won't fight going out the door with a TV show with a clear end, but he will with play time.

  • If I am going straight to the office after dropoff, I get ready here, but SPOILER: I have a full set of clothes and makeup at work so if it doesn't happen, I do it when I get in.

  • 8:45: leave for preschool, we walk. It's 10 minutes or so, the goal is to get him there by 9am. When he goes to kindergarten in the fall, the commute and timing is the same so I don't anticipate changing.

  • 9am: This is where it gets wild! Maybe I go to the gym! Maybe I run commute to the office! Maybe I walk to the office! Maybe I take public transit to the office because I have a meeting or the weather is horrible.

    • If I am working out (gym, walk or run), I usually listen to work-related audio to approve or to scope out the competition.

    • I also have my work messaging system on my phone. I am 100% available to my team via Slack, text and email from wakeup to bedtime, which is why I can get away with this.

    • My commute varies between 20 minutes (transit) and an hour (walking). I have a MASSIVE gym bag with every possible thing I need, so when I go to the gym I can go straight to the office.

    • I try to not use my wardrobe at the office regularly, it's an emergency situation, so my gym bag usually has my gym stuff, my lunch, my office clothes, my makeup, it's a beast.

    • I have a separate, smaller bag for my run commute, which can contain my lunch and maybe some key clothing.

    • I have showers at my office, but I don't use them as much as you'd think I would. My personal hygiene is, uh, lacking.

  • 10 am: On running or walking days, I am at the office by now. On gym days, it's closer to 10:30. My partner wakes up at some point around 10. I don't like thinking about this. BUT I leave the breakfast mess behind for him to deal with and text him anything to know for pickup (he took XYZ with him, the teacher asked for ABC, whatever).

• FINAL NOTE: If I am in production, I work 100 hours a day, order all my food from the internet, do not work out, and my partner does all the parenting.

Morning "Make Life Easier" Hacks

• I try to do as much the night before as I can, but I don't stress if it doesn't get done. Coffee prep, pack my bag, review my calendar so I know what my plan is for the morning, etc. I can always do it in the morning before the kid gets up or throw money at it (eg. buy coffee at work, buy lunch at work). We are fine financially but I've just accepted this is an expensive life phase and if the $7 coffee makes my morning easier, so be it.

• My massive gym bag is a LIFE CHANGER. It's actually a backpacking bag and I look insane with it on, but knowing I have space for everything in one bag and it fits securely on my back without wrecking my shoulders makes it worth it.

• Accepting I leave the house a mess. I used to try to clean it up before me and the kid left the house, and it was stupid and stressful. Now I don't!

Transition into Work Mode

• The commute. I love my commute. But my commute is fun and I have a lot of agency over it. I'm never stuck in traffic and walking/running is such great way to clear your head and re-set for the day. I was originally skeptical about going to the office every day when my mat leave was over but I honestly love it now. I'm a psycho (and completely respect those who hate it, most people on my team are hybrid).

What my work day looks like

• I manage 2 things: people and content. So, I do a lot of talking, meetings, feedback, etc.

• I try to block all my meetings between 11-4 (for that precious gym time) and try to keep my Fridays clear so I can do some admin.

• When I get a couple hours at my desk, I'm reviewing content or building strategies for future events/series/whatever.

• I try very hard to not answer emails from 10-6. Emails are for the mornings or the evenings, they are too much of a time suck and distraction. I assume if it’s urgent, they'll Slack or text.

Lunch/Snacks

• I have a meal service (throw money at a problem) that comes on Sundays. I split the salad in half and add protein to each half. The meal service also gives me two snacks. I usually eat one as soon as I get to the office.

• I eat lunch any time between 11:30-2, basically whenever I have a meeting-free 30 minutes (or a meeting where eating would be fine).

• Then I eat the second snack at like 3-4.

Breaks

• HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. This is why I work out so much.

Leaving work

• I leave the office anytime between 5:30 and 6:30. I may run home. I may walk home and listen to more work audio. I may hop on transit and get home quickly. I try to be home by 6:30, but 7pm is the line where I start to be like "hey partner, I'm running late."

• I usually have an event for work 1-2 times a week, and if that happens, I stay at the office until it's an appropriate time to go to the event. Then I stay away from my house until my kid is asleep, even if the event ends early because coming home mid-bedtime is like walking into a nightmare.

Transition out of work mode

• Commute! I try very hard to not take transit on this one. Walk or run. Usually listening to work-related audio while doing it. I'll hop on transit if I got stuck at the office until too late, but try to avoid that.

After work/evening hours

• So my partner does pickup 90% of the time (I do it like once a month if he has a work thing).

• When I get home, it's dinner/play/bedtime.

• 6:30(ish): arrive home. Start making child's dinner. We don't do family dinners because I cannot cook for 3 people and work as much as I do without murdering someone, so partner is on his own (he eats his own dinner after kid goes to bed), I eat my little salad, and my kid gets toddler friendly easy meals that are more like snack plates than proper dinner. Am I failing as a mom? Probably. Are my stress levels lower than a lot of other moms because my expectations are in the toilet? Yes.

• 7pm: Kid eats dinner. I eat my salad.

• 7-8: play, tv, whatever the kid wants. I usually clean up the kitchen and prep for the next day while dad plays. I may do some light work while dad plays, like emails.

• 8: pj time, brush teeth, use potty, etc. Sometimes kid has a bath. Sometimes he doesn't. I don't force it if he doesn't want to because, again, my expectations are in the basement.

• 8:30: bed time. We alternate this. Bedtime involves books, stories, etc. It is endless because the kid still naps at preschool and does not need it.

  • The parent on bedtime duty stays in the room until the kid sleeps.

  • The other parent cleans up downstairs.

• If kid is asleep by 10, it's a win. (He goes to bed way easier on the weekends when he doesn't nap. I think his natural sleep schedule would be 10-8, no naps, but he's a rule follower so here we are. It won't last forever).

• If I am not doing bedtime, I'll probably do emails.

• 9pm (or whenever bedtime has ended): I go to bed the second I can. If my kid is asleep, I am asleep.

• I do my little skin care routine and then read a book. I will read anywhere between 10 minutes (because I did bedtime and it took forever) to 90 minutes (because I went to "bed" at 8:30)

• 10 (I hope): light outs. Partner then gets his free time to do whatever. Because he's a freelancer, he tends to do more house stuff during the day, logs off around 4 to do pickup/groceries/whatever then finished up after bedtime, and watches TV. He comes to bed around 2.

Evening Non-Negotiables

• I'd like to prep for the morning, do any chores that need doing, read my book, wash my face. I don't really stress if I've failed at any of this though. A messy house has never killed anyone. Sleep is my top priority after 8pm.

Afternoon/evening “make life smoother” tips

• Have low expectations. My kid needs to be fed. I need to be fed. We both need to sleep. Don't raise the bar beyond that.

• Give up on stuff. Social media. TV. Texting people back in a timely manner. I am an all or nothing person, and in this season of my life, I'm just not watching TV and that is fine.

• Realize everything's a phase. My partner and I don't hang out much either, which sucks, but we were together for 17 years before having a kid. This is a phase. We'll find our way back again.

• Throw money at problems. I realize this is EXTREMELY privileged.

Sharing the load with a partner

• 1. divide and conquer. 2. communicate. 3. let stuff go.

• The biggest thing was setting up rules and boundaries to minimize the mental load and discussion. Once it was decided I would do mornings solo and he would do pickup all the time, it is what it is. He has no say in how I handle mornings and if I can’t do it for some reason, it's on me to solve that problem. And vice versa for him for the afternoon shift.

• We always have each other's backs and I will cover for him in a pinch, but I am NOT thinking about what my kid is doing from 5-7 ever. Bedtime was a pain for awhile, then we agreed to alternate and have a set schedule. Then we agreed to what the other parent was responsible for. If it’s not working, we talk about it.

• The other thing was outsource what you can. Groceries get delivered, we have a cleaner. I do doctor's appointments, he does eyes/hair/teeth. I do the cleaner, he does all the house maintenance. And then I LEAVE HIM ALONE with his things. If he fails, that's on him. If he does it a way that I don't like, I let it go (unless it's actually harming my kid, of course).

Things you do for fun/you during the week

• I try to workout every day and read every day. If both these happen, I am a happy clam. I try to do a personal social thing, like dinner with a friend, once a month.

Exercise/Body Movement

• I feel this entire questionnaire has showcased I am probably borderline disordered when it comes to exercise but 1. I love it, 2. I was a college athlete and 3. It's as much my personal and mental health break as it is a physical one.

Outsourcing

• Groceries get delivered.

• We have a cleaner come every two weeks.

• I have my meal service come on Sundays.

• Our kid goes to preschool M-F from 9-5.

Anything Else the Sharer Wants to Share

• On weekends, my partner and I have a hard split shift again. I solo parent from wakeup to lunch, then he handles lunch to dinner. We sometimes do family things, but the idea is he gets mornings to do what he wants and I get afternoons.

• Sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I read my book, sometimes I nap. Sometimes I do boring house things. I need to shower more than I currently do. I know this. I have done nothing about it.

• We have enough clothes for all 3 of us to only need to do laundry on weekends. I have a capsule wardrobe where everything matches. Same pants 5x. Same shirt 5x. Same other shirt 5x. Same blazer 3x. Everything goes with everything. It's boring and full of neutrals (navy, black, white, grey, cream) but it eliminates any need to think about what I'm wearing.

• I am VERY type A when I care deeply about something. I am very good at my job, for example. And if I don't care, I am a disaster. See: the state of my house. I've embraced the disaster part of things, and it's made working mom life a lot easier.

That’s a wrap for this one!

Thank you so much to this woman for generously sharing. These publish every Thursday!

A reminder of the ground rules to ensure women continue wanting to share about their days and feel safe doing so.

• Encouraging comments always welcome!

• If you have questions or even hang-ups about what someone shared, you are welcome to ask a question for the sharer in the same kind, genuinely curious way you would if you were looking at that woman in her eyes. She might respond through me.

• If comments are judge-y or mean-spirited, I reserve the right to delete comments. I can handle being criticized about my own work here (and even still, to a degree – I’m also a person), but I go into full mama bear mode when people come after my people – including women who are being vulnerable and sharing in the first place.

• Thanks to the vast majority of people who are so kind!

New here? Welcome!

I’m Kelly Nolan, an attorney-turned-time management strategist and mom of two. I teach the Bright Method, a realistic time management system designed for professional working women.

After experiencing overwhelm as a young patent litigator in Boston, I figured out a time management system to help me show up in the ways that I wanted to at work and at home – without requiring my brain to somehow magically remember it all. I now teach other professional working women how to manage their personal, family, and career roles with less stress and more calm clarity using realistic time management strategies. My system, the Bright Method, has been featured in Bloomberg Businessweek, and my work has been published in Forbes, Fast Company, Business Insider, and more. Learn more on my website, listen to the Bright Method podcast, come learn bite-sized strategies with me on Instagram, or jump into my free 5-day program.

You can also grab my free back-to-school guide here. Enjoy!

Need help finding more articles?

Click here to go to the HISMD index!

Know a friend who might love this, too?

Send it to your friend – or the whole group chat!

Thanks for being here!