HISMD: Senior Environmental Consultant
Three kids (17, 15 & 12). Partner (firefighter – works 24-hour shifts; days change every week). Hybrid. Orange County, CA. 48.
This "How I Structure My Day" Series started from an Instagram post I did about my own life, under which a woman asked if it would be possible to see how women working a more full-time, traditional job did it. I asked women to share, and, man, have people responded. The goal is to show how women from different industries, with and without kids, with and without partners, with family living with/near them and not, wfh to 1+ hour commutes, etc. structure their day. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I do!
The Snapshot
Partner: Yes (Los Angeles Firefighter. Works 24-hour shifts, days change every week.)
Children: Yes - 17, 15, 12
Orange County, California
Hybrid
48
Typical Morning
My 17yo has water polo practice which he leaves for any time between 5:35 and 8:35am.
My 17yo and 15yo do not start school until 10:15 at the earliest, sometimes later (block schedule).
My 12yo starts at 8:30.
They all get themselves to school most days.
My husband leaves for work at 6am on his shift days and gets home the next day anytime between 7:40am and anytime after that, based on when he's relieved and anything else that is going on. He is only home in the morning two days in a row maybe once or twice a week and in those cases he handles all breakfasts and lunches.
I get up at 6:00 at the latest (most days) or 15 minutes before my oldest leaves for practice so I can feed him, so as early as 5:20.
I fit in a work out around his schedule, to be done before 7:30, and at 7:30 I wake up the youngest, feed him, make lunches and get the youngest out the door by 8:10.
My 15yo daughter rolls out of bed around 8:30 and gets herself fed and out the door a little before 10.
My 17yo gets home from practice at some point and I try and feed him again and "encourage" him not to be late to school.
I work from the office on the days that my husband is home (usually 2 days/week) and on those days I leave for the office at 8:30, having fit in a shower and breakfast somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30. I drive to the office which takes 20-30 minutes, and am at the office around 9.
When my husband is working, I work from home and then I may shower later or do miscellaneous things or errands and then am online at 9. But also while making sure the older 2 kids are still getting out the door in a timely manner and handling whatever last-minute things they drop on me.
Morning “Make Life Easier” Hacks
Because our schedules are so messy and change every day, our mornings are formatted around "musts" and making sure everyone understands those.
Our oldest must get fed before he goes to practice in the morning and we must send a lunch with him to school. He is super self-sufficient - except at feeding himself.
I must wrap up my workout by 7:30 to get the youngest fed and out the door and not be in a total rush.
If I am going to the office, I must leave by 8:30 and if my husband is not home yet, my older kids are on their own.
If my daughter wants help with something in the morning, she must get up in time to get said help without impacting my work schedule.
I do set an alarm in the morning but am up before it most days.
My kids are also very self-sufficient when it comes to getting ready for their day; we have to double-check things like daily sunscreen and keys with my youngest but that's it.
Transition into Work Mode
On days I drive to the office, it's fairly easy. For years I stopped for a latte on my way to the office as part of the transition. Now I make a cup of tea as soon as I get to the office and that mentally prepares me to sit down and dive into work.
If I am WFH, I make a cup of tea that I sit down with when I am getting ready to work. However, having 2 teenagers who are still coming and going until as late as 10:30am makes it really hard to fully transition into work mode until they are gone.
What my work day looks like
I work an average of 30 hours per week but it can range from 20 to over 40 depending on the need at the time.
On office days I tend to work a full 7-8 hour day and on WFH days I try to work more of a 6-hour day so I am available when the kids get home, although that slips into 8-hour days regularly.
My days are a mix of calls, lots of smaller tasks and some deep-dive writing, strategy and analysis based on client needs and upcoming deadlines.
Since each day can vary considerably, I assess my calendar to figure out when I don't have meetings for a few hours and can use big blocks of time for time-consuming tasks and which blocks of time are more choppy with meetings and better for working through a lot of little tasks.
If I have imminent deadlines or am behind, I will also calendar my tasks to make sure last-minute meetings don't get scheduled when I have planned to get certain things done.
I am also super proactive about blocking out my work calendar when I need to leave early, be late or be out mid-day for things like kids games, personal appointments, etc. and then I try and shift the length of my other days to make up for being out if needed.
I keep my calendar blocked out before 9am and on Friday afternoons and then if I need to take calls during those times I can. Friday afternoons I try and maintain for catch-up work, not working if I need the break mentally, or to catch up on running the household
Lunch/Snacks
At the office I take a banana for a mid-morning snack and then usually go pick up lunch at a nearby deli between 11 and 1 depending on the days calls. It makes me feel like a human to be out with people since our office is very empty.
I'll have a bar in the afternoon but that's about it.
At home I will either make lunch or go grab lunch just to get out of the house. And I'll get into all the snacks in the afternoon :)
Breaks
No. I plan for time to get lunch out most days and that's it. If work is especially intense or hard, I will take a break to mentally reset if needed - usually just a quick stroll if I am at the office or maybe 10 minutes of checking the garden if I am at home.
Leaving work
I usually leave the office between 4 and 5, depending on what I am working on and what I need to get home to.
At home I will stop working anywhere between 3 and 5 depending on my workload and what is going on with the kids.
I only very rarely work in the evening or at night although I might be checking emails depending on what is going on with projects.
Transition out of work mode
If I'm coming from the office, it's a leisurely, traffic-filled drive with music or maybe a podcast. If I am at home, it's an immediate shift, usually straight to making dinner, driving carpool, helping with homework or managing some last minute teenager need.
After work hours
When my husband is home, he cooks dinner and tends to drive the carpools. Those are nights when I can also maybe fit in book club or mah jong with friends.
When he is gone, I make dinner, drive whatever carpool there might be, feed everyone when they are available, then clean up the kitchen (usually multiple times), pick up around the house and try to wrap my head around the next day.
My older kids may stay up later than me now depending on their homework level and morning schedule.
After everyone is home and fed, I clean up the kitchen, swiffer the common areas of the house (we have a fluffy dog), empty the trash and confirm the morning schedule with everyone (e.g., confirm my oldests morning practice schedule and what time he needs to leave).
I shower every night - I sleep so much better. Then either read or doomscroll a little.
I try to be in bed by 9, lights out by 10.
Afternoon/evening “make life smoother” tips
Everyone eats at different times because of sports and school so I try to cook early and make things that can be reheated and that can be repurposed later in the week as I run out of steam on cooking.
The older two are responsible for their homework and due to good habits from early on, they are good about getting it done on their own.
We don't really watch tv but I try and make sure everyone is off their phone at least 30 minutes before they go to bed.
We don't have specific bedtimes but luckily my kids (like their parents) like their sleep. I make sure the youngest is down by 9 and that the other older two are ready for bed before I go to sleep.
Sharing the load with a partner
Maintaining a routine and schedule is one of the hardest things about being married to a fireman and it makes it hard to share the load. I had to really mentally redefine what "routine" and "schedule" meant for us as a family.
That being said, getting my husband on board with using a shared Google calendar years ago was a major game changer.
Another game changer was mentally committing to doing mornings with the kids all on my own, regardless of whether my husband was supposed to be home or not. He is a great, very involved dad but has zero control over his morning schedule and I could not rely on him being home when he thought would be. It was a better mental place to plan for handling it myself and if he was there, I could happily offload some things.
We also split responsibilities because some things are easier for him to handle when he's off during the week (grocery store, paying bills) - where I would have to do them at night or on the weekend between endless kids sports games. I still have plenty of household management that I am trying to fit in, but he has handled some of the bigger ones for years and it reduced my stress level immensely.
Outsourcing
Yes, we have a housekeeper who comes twice per month and a gardener who comes every week.
We also have two sets of wonderful grandparents in town who help with carpools and the kids when things get sideways.
Things you do for fun/you during the week
I am a serious introvert so I like to play mah jong or have book club with girlfriends but I can only do two nights out maximum per week (preferably one) before I get really overwhelmed and stressed out.
I also really like to walk multiple mornings a week as part of my workout - I like the quiet in the morning, even though I am by nature not a morning person.
I like being home with my kids - they are at such great ages, even with the teenage grumpiness. And after years of raising little kids, really stressful work and long days parenting by myself, it's really enjoyable to just be home with them.
Exercise/Body Movement
Over the years, my workouts have changed alot, from 5am Orange Theory or hot yoga to lots of running to lots of spinning.
Given this season of our lives and the morning kids practices, I primarily work out at home in the morning between 6 and 7:30. I take online lifting classes through Obe three times per week, run once a week and then walk anywhere from 20 minutes to over an hour multiple times a week. It's not my ideal but it's what works for now and I'm still active.
Time Management Strategies
1) Shared Google calendar with my husband and we are trying to get our teenagers to start looking at it also. I put everything on it - schools, sport practices and games and tournaments, charity work, kids activities, appointments, my husbands shift calendar, birthdays. I sit down periodically and add things like entire seasons of water polo or swim practices, games, meets, entire years worth of charity meetings. I also have a "Reminders and Due Dates" category that is kind of a catch-all for things like "Summer Camp Registration Opens"
2) iPhone Reminders. I set alot of reminders for things that I would forget otherwise. Items such as "call niece for birthday", "register for summer camp", "send reminder email for Soup Kitchen shifts", weekly "register for water polo tournament", "mail nephews bday gift". I would forget all of these things otherwise.
3) Texts to myself. I have pinned my own cell # in my iphone so I can send myself notes that I want to easily find. Questions for our contractor. An article I want to read. An appointment I make (appointments I add in my phone don't sync with my online calendar for some reason) so I can add it later.
4) Paper planner. If feasible I will sit down on Sunday and populate my Appointed calendar for the week with non-normal calendar events and my to-do list (which rolls over from the week before). It helps me really wrap my head around my week. However, with teenagers in sports, our weekends are 100% booked almost all of the time so by Sunday evening I am toast and do not care about planning for the week ahead. Those weeks are a little dicier.
5) Shared Notes app for carpools. For several of our carpools, we have a shared notes app with the other parents where you just go in and fill in which days you can drive. If the available shifts don't work or you have a weird week, we just text about it. Personally, I try and only sign up for carpool shifts for when my husband is home. It does not always work but makes life much easier when it does.
6) I give myself a lot of grace. I was Type A, non-stop for years and burned out so hard that I will never be able to go back to that life. I am selective and thoughtful about who and what really matters to me and those things get my time, while also knowing that this season with my kids is short and so this time is invaluable and the right time to not be overscheduled and overwhelmed.
Anything extra the sharer wants to share
Having a routine and schedule has been a major pain point in our marriage given his shift work, the amount of days he would get recalled and have to stay at work when it was not planned for and the overtime he would need to work to support his peers or our financial needs. It was much much harder when our kids were younger than it is now. When I started looking at life with kids in "seasons", knowing that it would pass and continue to change, I was able to mentally unwind a bit about it. I also drew (and continue to draw) clear boundaries with my husband around schedule management. I do not discuss his work schedule after I've started getting ready for bed - it stresses me out so I don't want to think about it as I'm getting into bed. He also must say no to working overtime without asking me when he knows it’s a bad day for the family - I cannot be responsible for saying no to everything (which was what was happening). Some very simple boundaries have helped immensely. I could write a book on other lessons I've learned but I'll stop here :)
That’s a wrap for this one!
Thank you so much to this woman for generously sharing. These publish every Thursday!
A reminder of the ground rules to ensure women continue wanting to share about their days and feel safe doing so.
Encouraging comments always welcome!
If you have questions or even hang-ups about what someone shared, you are welcome to ask a question for the sharer in the same kind, genuinely curious way you would if you were looking at that woman in her eyes. She might respond through me.
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Thanks to the vast majority of people who are so kind!
New here? Welcome!
I’m Kelly Nolan, an attorney-turned-time management strategist and mom of two. I teach the Bright Method, a realistic time management system designed for professional working women. In addition to this fun new series, I share bite-sized time management strategies on Instagram. Thanks for being here!
After experiencing overwhelm as a young patent litigator in Boston, I figured out a time management system to help me show up in the ways that I wanted to at work and at home – without requiring my brain to somehow magically remember it all. I now teach other professional working women how to manage their personal, family, and career roles with less stress and more calm clarity using realistic time management strategies. My system, the Bright Method, has been featured in Bloomberg Businessweek, and my work has been published in Forbes, Fast Company, Business Insider, and more. Learn more on my website, come learn bite-sized strategies with me on Instagram, or jump into my free 5-day program.
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